Lack of self-control the greatest killer of relations



LACK of self-control is the major culprit in people losing valuable relationships, connections, friendships, alliances, partnerships and even jobs.

It is the chief undoing for many people.

This week’s True Gospel is focusing on self-control.

Before going further into the True Gospel, let me first define self-control.

It is listed in the Bible as one of the Fruits of the Spirit.

Self-Control is the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations.

It borders on self-discipline, self-restraint, composure, coolness and countenance.

Difficult situations always take place in relationships, work environment, business, politics or social life. However, one’s ability to exercise self-control is key in determining how far one would go in love, social, political, economic spheres or general life.

It therefore becomes undesirable, unpleasant, disgusting, unpalatable, sickening, nauseating, and horrible when culprits lack respect and tolerance. It is even dangerous when they have useless pride.

It gets even worse when such people become too talkative, rumour-mongering, lazy, untrustworthy, malicious and mischievous.

Too many people are lonely not because they are unattractive. They are in this predicament because of lack of self-control and discipline.

This is why one of the wisest biblical ancient kings called Solomon, once wrote on Proverbs 25:28 of the New Living Translation saying: “A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.”

Exactly! King Solomon captured it accurately. Without a doubt, one of the most challenges that destroy relationships today includes lack of self-control, disrespectful, cheeky, impolite, ill-mannered, disparaging and abusive.

Lack of self-control is annoying.

I have often witnessed many so-called believers or Christians, who when you engage them in any conversation, they quickly become ballistic, forgetting they are supposed to be mirrors in the society as ambassador for Jehovah.

In other words, our Lord Jesus Christ was trying to teach his disciples were the light of the world. …instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, our Lord was encouraging this light to shine before men so that they may see the good deeds and praise our heavenly Father, who is Jehovah.

Due to lack of self-control, this has resulted in many people, Christians included, unnecessarily losing their jobs. Their marriages eventually collapse. They eventually engage in silly acts they end regretting.

Solomon, my favourite ancient king, argues that fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

Proverbs 12:16 of the New Living Translation states: “A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.”

Self-control is usually the ladder individuals use to rise in any organisation, be it at work, business, government, church, politics or social life.

To live happily, peacefully and enjoy a permanent relationship, have self-control.

Otherwise you will end up lurching or floundering from one relationship to another without finding any joy.

This is why Jehovah always encourages His people not to become fools by unnecessarily losing temper.

Proverbs 29:11 of the New American Standard Bible attests: “A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back,” whilst the New International Version says: “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

It is always important to carefully select words to use when communicating with other people. Otherwise your reckless tongue will lead you into trouble or uneasy relationships.

Proverbs 18:21 of the New Living Translation confirms this True Gospel being preached here, stating: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

It is Jehovah’s instruction to everyone who aspires to enjoy relationships to always think first before uttering any word in order to avoid bad-mouthing or potentially flaring tempers.

Proverbs 16:23-24 reads: “Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive. Kind words are like honey – sweet to the taste and good for your health.”

Deeper into the book of Proverbs 15:1 of the New Living Translation, it is written: “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

Lack of self-control brings so many challenges in people’s lives, especially unnecessary arguments, conflict, disgrace, pride, gossip, strife, discord, humiliation, and worst of it – self destruction, knowingly or unknowingly.

Scientifically, lack of self-control has been found to be related to numerous problems. These include obesity, criminality, risky sexual behaviour, drug and alcohol use as well as other negative outcomes.

There are so many benefits in exercising self-control. In order to have self-control, in line with Jehovah’s plans of maintaining peace in the world, it is always important to craft listening skills, then become slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

This True Gospel is confirmed in James 1:19 of the New Living Translation, which states: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Further in Proverbs 16:23 of the Berean Study Bible version states: “The heart of the wise man instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips,” while the English Standard Version attests: “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.”

Fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, self-control helps reduce impulsive behaviours, enhances decision making capacity, makes you live longer, gives you the ability to make good judgment while helping to increase understanding capacity.

It is only when you have self-control that you can easily stabilise and solve trust issues in a relationship or marriage while at the same time enjoying the peace of mind.

Other key benefits of self-control include helping one to quit any bad life or acts, improves mental focus, curtails high temperaments (which is unnecessary anger), plays a major role in emotional happiness, brings success growth rate in one’s life, saves accidental dangers, promotes good leadership, gives full control and genuine dominance of one’s actions, discovers the real you and in your uniqueness, boosts self-confidence rate, makes you skeptical in your decision making, and most importantly, self-control gives you power to control your emotions.

When we practice self-control, it becomes easier to make decisions because our minds switch to simpler processes.

Research at Duckworth Lab at the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Centre (United States) concluded that when self-control was measured against talent over time the ones that practiced grit rather than relying on talent emerged more successful.

Do you see clearly the benefits of self-control this True Gospel is talking about?

Self-control allows us to focus our energies on the task at hand and tune out distractions which make sure we perform to the best of our abilities.

Self-control also allows us to kick those negative thoughts out of our head because they are the major impediment to long term success.

With self-control, there are more chances of getting wealthy. Although self-control is not the end all be all when it comes to making millions, it is an incredibly significant factor.

A study conducted in New Zealand among 1 000 children over the course of 30 years, it was determined that those who had high levels of self-control went on to land high income jobs and had significantly lower levels of addiction. Only 10 percent of the children with developed discipline were in low income jobs as opposed to over 30 percent of those with poor discipline being in low income jobs.

Other benefits of people with self-control are that they have more harmonious lives because they avoid situations in which they have to choose between desires.

Brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, self-control is one of the most important skills that we can all learn to harness. The positive effects spill over into many different parts of our lives and allow us to make better decisions and experience a better reality.

Self-control is not all about denying oneself pleasures. It also encompasses working towards a higher ideal and sacrificing some things in the now in order to achieve long term goals.

Many people are unable to exert the necessary will power to make the changes that they so desire in their lives due to lack of self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23 states: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

Further, the book of 2 Peter 1:5-9 states: “Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins.”

In conclusion, we must always practice what we preach so that our True Gospel teachings are not disqualified.

I can rest assure you folks, people will be observing every step you take in life if ever in compliance with what you preach and teach others.

1 Corinthians 9:26-27 says: “Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

Brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, those who believe in this True Gospel, say amen!

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